Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.
- quote by Kathleen Kelly (played by Meg Ryan)
'You've Got Mail' movie (1998)
That quote was me, circa 2003. I was leading a "normal" life with two young children and working as an office manager and making my home in Smalltown, USA with my husband of 7+ years. My life must have seemed rather ideal to most: kids to sitters, work 9-5, pick up kids from sitters, home to make dinner, bathtime/playtime after dinner and then bed. Saturdays and Sundays shook things up only a little bit: there was church and no work. So much lay beneath the surface that no one knew about. No one saw. My "normal" life was truly anything but "normal".
Anyway, since then so much has changed. And for the better, I might add. I won't get into the nitty-gritty of it all (as my ex-husband would feed me to a pack of lawyers if I did - and yes, I said EX-husband) but what I'm getting at is that I'm able to feel that my life is filled with so many blessings now that before I simply took for granted or brushed under the rug - blessings that I've had bits-n-pieces of all along, but haven't been able to really feel them as I was trying so hard to keep up appearences of 'normalcy' before. I know I'm not the only one.
I look back on the quote from that movie now, and I think "my life now doesn't remind me of anything, it's all new and it's real". And while it may have been small before, it's larger than life now and I'm grateful. You see, I was brave. I took the road less-traveled and through it I am now a mommy to three beautiful children (and Trevor is more than a step-son to me) and able to spend so much more time with my kids all while being a hands-on business-owner. The icing on the cake is that in a few short weeks I will become the wife of the man whom I admire and respect more than any other man I've ever known. And he's as imperfect as I am!
I know that my life today is exactly what is meant to be, as it's not found on the pages of any book. I make it what it is instead of it dictating things to me. Life is a blessing given to me every day and my tomorrows are written by how I respond to what I am given today and what I make of it. I have to ability to do that. And I'm grateful. So very grateful.
I hope each of you is living your life as you want it to be. Not off of someone else's template, timetable or script.
And I hope you're being brave. And I hope you're grateful.